


Dicks & Bone(r)s

by gaylie



Category: Undertale (Video Game), underswap
Genre: Depression, Drugs, Human AU, M/M, Prostitution, Sex Shop AU, a lot of talking about sucking dick, more added later, none of the skelebros are brothers except the classics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 16:29:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7941403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaylie/pseuds/gaylie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>When Papyrus said he wanted to get hit by a car, he didn't exactly mean it literally.</i>
  <br/>
  <i>Okay, maybe he did, but come on. Saying it out loud and picturing it is very different than, well, actually getting hit by a car.</i>
</p><p>You know what they say about love. You don't see it coming, but once it does, it <i>hits hard.</i></p><p>(In which Swap Papyrus gets offered a job at a sex shop)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. talk shit get hit

**Author's Note:**

> sooo  
> another fic, huh? this is, like, my fifth  
> i have no self control  
>  _but i wanted to write this **so bad**_
> 
> it's a little inspired by an OFF fic I read once called The Off Switch
> 
> funfact: I once misread Sticks & Stones as Dicks & Bones so that's what the title is inspired by

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh by the way, completely forgot, here's the nicknames I'm probably gonna use (Edited for Last Names):
> 
> Undertale Sans - Sans Bones  
> Undertale Papyrus - Papyrus Bones  
> Underswap Sans - Barry Blue Benson  
> Underswap Papyrus - Papyrus Swap  
> Underfell Sans - Red Radius(?)  
> Underfell Papyrus - Edge Fell  
> Swapfell Sans (this is where it gets tricky) - Cyan Clavicle(?)  
> Swapfell Papyrus - Rus Bloodorange  
> 

When Papyrus said he wanted to get hit by a car, he didn't exactly mean it literally.

Okay, maybe he did, but come on. Saying it out loud and picturing it is _very_ different than, well, actually getting hit by a car.

Honestly,  it had been to expect, though.  Within the last few months, Papyrus hadn't exactly been the most careful. Constant stress and depression sort of did that to you, and the fact that he  was flat broke,  had no job and student loans to pay didn't exactly help either.  So yea, maybe he'd been toying with the thought of letting himself get hit by a car to file in a charge and pay off his student debts. And maybe that'd lead to him not really paying any attention to traffic while crossing streets. And maybe after 8 months of doing so he'd finally actually  _gotten_ hit by a car.

P apyrus wasn't entirely sure how to feel about this.

He couldn't actually remember much of what had happened at all. Only that there was the sudden noise of honking and of tires screeching. Next he was hitting his head on the ground and passed out.

He'd think that after passing out like that it shouldn't have actually been all that bad, but if he was being honest with himself, while he couldn't remember the point of collision itself, he could clearly still remember the pain of it. Maybe due to the fact that he was still very much in pain since the moment he'd woken up at the hospital .

He'd gotten lucky, though, Papyrus figured. As far as he could tell, he had no broken limbs at all. Didn't really change the fact that he still hurt all over, but hey. It could've been a lot worse, probably.

He wasn't sure how long he's been awake now and idly staring at the white ceiling above him. He couldn't even remember waking up, if he was being honest. It had been a slow, smooth transition from unconscious to conscious, and at one point he just figured, 'Huh, guess I'm awake.'

He hadn't been doing anything either, really. Past checking for any obvious breaks, he really just had been staring at the ceiling. Thinking. Dissociating, if you will.

The thought of calling the nurse for something for the pain had occurred him more than once. But honestly, he couldn't really more. Not because of anything physical, just, sort of the lack of attachment between his mind and body right now. You could say his heart wasn't in it, or whatever. He just couldn't bring himself to move.

He didn't have to wait for long, though, until a nurse finally came into his room. Or, well, maybe he did, it wasn't like Papyrus still had any track of time, especially after getting sort of hit by a car.

The nurse seemed fairly nice, asking him about what he remembered and how he felt. She gave him something against the pain and told him that he had indeed no breaks. Quite a few wounds and bruises, but nothing that would take too long to heal. The worst really was the deep wound on his head. But even that s houldn't take too long to heal up again.  The worst was really that he might've gotten a concussion and they still wanted to keep him here for a few days.

“You've gotten really lucky,” she said. She told him that there really must be some sort of guardian angel looking out for him.

Yea, Papyrus thought but didn't say out loud. Their name is Satan and they like their torture victims to have suffered years through the torture of life, before they can continue that in hell.

Before the nurse left, she told him  that  he had a visitor and asked if he was ready to see them. Papyrus was surprised, but told her he doesn't mind.

He couldn't think of anyone that would want to visit him. With his parents dead and living alone in a small apartment, he didn't have exactly a lot of friends. Quite a few acquaintances, sure, but there were only two people he'd actually consider friends.

Sans was the first person he actually got close to at college. He wasn't quite sure anymore how they first met and how it came up, but they ended up getting really close over the fact that Papyrus shared a name with Sans' younger brother. 

His other college friend, Red, was actually the guy he got his weed from. And yea, somehow they just got chummy one day. But hey, friendship prices, right?  Plus, Red was a real cool dude.

Neither Sans nor Red though where the kind of people that would just visit him at the hospital. Already, because there should be no way they knew he was there. But also, they just all needed a lot of time for themselves, and especially after something as big as getting hit by a car, Papyrus wasn't exactly up to hanging out with someone. He could easily imagine though that they would send him a text, asking if they should come. He'd politely decline, but as he checked his phone, which was lying on the small desk next to his hospital bed, he's gotten no messages.

And once the visitor entered the room, he noticed that it wasn't either of them anyway.

Entering the room came a short young man, a tad shorter than Papyrus' friends. He had bright blue eyes and even brighter blue dyed hair and quite a few freckles covering his face. He actually looked pretty young, but for some reason Papyrus had the feeling that he looked younger than he was.

“Uhm. Heyyy…,” Papyrus offered a little awkwardly, holding his hand out for a shake. He was still in the hospital bed, but sitting upright.

Happily the stranger accepted the shake with a bright smile, pushing away any nervousness he had shown earlier.

“Oh man hey!” He said, while still shaking Papyrus' hand. “I'm so glad you're still in one piece.”

Once Papyrus got his hand back, he raised a brow questioning.  
“I'm sorry, but do I know you?”  He didn't have the feeling like he should. Usually when you forget people, you at least recognize the face a little and know there's  _something_ you should know. But he didn't have that reaction with this guy at all.

“Goodness!” The stranger said, seeming maybe a tad too dramatically shocked about this. “No, of course you don't! I'm sorry, I'm Blue, but my friends call me Blueberry. Actually, they only sometimes do that since it's really long, so… Blue's fine! Nice to meet you!”  
“Name's Papyrus,” he supplied, still a little skeptical. “Is there a reason you're here?”

“Oh! Right. I'm the guy that hit you with a car!”  
_Oh._ Well, that explained that.

“I'm sorry, shouldn't I have come by? I just wanted to make sure you're alright. I'm really sorry about what happened!”  
“Nah, 's fine,” Papyrus told him with a shrug. It _was_ partially his fault, sort of. Plus he had to admit, it was pretty nice of the guy to visit him. “ I actually got pretty lucky- look-” He shook his arms and legs a little, not sure why. “No breaks. Might have a concussion, though.”  
Blue seemed to let out a visible sigh. “I'm really glad to hear that. Not… the concussion part, of course.”  
“Gotcha.”

“Ah man, I'm really glad it's not worse. And you seem like a cool guy! I mean- okay I shouldn't be glad I hit a cool guy, probably.”  
“Yea, maybe not,” Papyrus replied with a light chuckle. “Thanks, though? For the compliment.”  
“No problem! I was really worried you'd be some cruel person. I honestly can't afford getting sued right now.” Blue muttered a little to himself, scratching the back of his neck as he was rambling.  
Oh man, now you just felt bad. But it was a rough world out there. Everyone's on it's own, and Papyrus _really_ needed to pay off, well, literally anything.

“Look man,” he began, regret in his voice. Blue seemed to hear it too, as he froze up a little, before staring up at Papyrus with big, scared eyes. “I'm sorry, but-”  
“Oh, come on!?” Blue interrupted him desperately.  
“I _need_ the money!”

“So do I!”  
“I've got college tuition and rent to pay and I'm _flat broke_ _and unemployed_ _!_ ”  
Blue seemed fairly surprised at that, looking at Papyrus with shock in his eyes.

“Okay,” he began awkwardly, “maybe I need it less than you…”

S ilently Papyrus agreed with him and they both fell into an awkward silence. He didn't exactly know what else to say after spilling his guts like that. Well.

Was this it? There wasn't any more to say here about this. Would Blue just leave now? The guy didn't seem like he was planning to leave. Did he think Papyrus would consider it rude? He actually just wanted to be alone right now. Maybe he should say something?  
Blue beat him to it, though.  
“Okay, okay. How about this? I've got a deal for you.” He began pacing a little around the room, before stepping closer towards the side of Papyrus bed.

Oh, he knew what this was going to be about.

“Come on, man. I know I just told you 'm flat broke, but I've still got enough dignity to not suck dick for cash.” Well, that wasn't exactly true, but, you know. If he was going to suck dick to stay afloat, he'd at least do it with people he somewhat knew. And also maybe his drug dealer. Look man, a guy's gotta get his weed _somehow_ and Red was surprisingly often open for compromises like that.

H e hadn't realized he was spacing out until Blue's suddenly high shrill voice broke him out of it.

“It's nothing like that!” He screeched, face crimson red. “Good Lord! I hardly know you. Ohh my _god!_ ”  
It took the guy a little bit to calm down again, and Papyrus felt honestly a bit bad and embarrassed about _that_ mix up.  He hadn't exactly expected Blue to be a very modest or innocent guy, considering the way less of his body was covered than it was not. But maybe it was wrong to just judge someone by how revealing they dress.

“Sorry,” he supplied quickly with a shrug. “Bad experience I guess.” Blue wouldn't have been the first stranger to ask him to suck their dick for cash. He was sort of known for that on the campus, unfortunately.

But also it sometimes brought him some quick bucks, so, whatever. Everything in life has it's ups and downs.

“So what's the deal?”  
Blue perked up a little again, pleased that Papyrus _did_ show interest after all. “Well! I can offer you a job! Or- I mean I don't own the place, but the boss' a good friend of mine! I could put in a good word for you. And, maybe lend you some money for now.”  
A job, huh? A job did actually sound good, especially if he didn't have to do a lot to get it. He had tried applying to jobs before, but it was just really exhausting from beginning to end, and in the end Papyrus rarely actually got really far with that. And the few times he _did_ manage to apply, well, he only had a few months of retail-experience.

“What kind of job are we talking about?” Papyrus asked thoughtfully. He didn't expect Blue's ever-so-happy answer. Without even batting an eye he said,

“Oh, it's at a sex shop!”


	2. you drive me crazy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an update?? incredible!!  
> i recently remembered this fic and remembered that the plot of it was honestly the best fucking plot i ever came up with (even tho i only have like tiny pieces planned, but sex store AU, man)  
> i dont think i'll be updating regularly lmao, still got a fuckton of other fics, but im trying to get to it more often now

“A sex shop.” Papyrus deadpanned.

“Yep!” Blue seemed way too casual about this. “It pays really good and the boss's cool! He's actually a good friend of mine. I work there, too!”

Just a second ago this guy had been mortified about Papyrus assuming he wanted a blowjob, and now he was in all casualness telling him about his job at a fucking sex shop.

Papyrus couldn't help but to burst out laughing.

“Oh my god, dude! How old are you even? Aren't you a bit too young?” Papyrus questioned in between laughs. He hadn't even been sure if Blue was old enough to _enter_ a sex shop, if he was being honest.

“What the-!? No way! I'm 23,” he complained upset, immediately grabbing something out of the pockets of his daisy dukes. “See!” He said, holding his ID up to Papyrus.

Holy hell, the guy actually was 23. Which meant, he was even older than Papyrus. Awkwardly he scratched the back of his neck, cursing silently as he hurt himself that way. He was still feeling sore all over.

“Guess you're right, heh,” he admitted, watching as Blue proudly pocketed his ID again.  
“Yes I am! So what about the offer now? You want me to talk to my boss?”  
Should he? Papyrus wasn't sure. A job sounded nice, yes, but at a sex shop? That just sounded a bit… _weird._ Then again, he had already the reputation as the male slut around his college, so it wasn't like it would soil his name anymore. Most people were probably already assuming he was working a job like that anyway. And maybe… maybe it could actually be cool. It sure wasn't just some boring retail job.

“Yea, why not,” he eventually replied with a shrug. “Could be nice.”  
Again, Blue seemed far too excited about all this.  
“Sweet!” He cheered, looking as if he was about to jump in joy. “That means we'll be co-workers! Hey- should we trade numbers?”  
“Ah, yea sure,” Papyrus said, struggling a little to grab the phone from the nightstand, but eventually managing to do so. They traded their phones in order to add each other's numbers, before trading them back a bit. With a brief glance Papyrus noticed that Blue had added a winking emoji to the name he saved himself in, but didn't pay too much attention to it. The guy seemed to strike him as a flirt anyway.

“So… I guess I've got to go now!” Blue announced chipper, turning around with a little spin before walking towards the door that he came through. He turned back to Papyrus. “It was really nice meeting you, Phillip! Text me when you’re fit again!”  
“It’s Papy….rus...” Blue left before Papyrus got to correct him. Oh well. Papyrus _was_ sort of a strange name. Not that _Blue_ was any better.

Okay it was a little bit better.

 

The nurse wouldn’t let Papyrus go until another three days later, and then only with the promise that he had someone to pick him up. His original plan had been to just lie, because honestly, how were they going to stop him? But as it turned out Sans and Red both agreed on picking him up with Red’s car. Which ended up to be a better idea, because once in the car he realized whatever pain killers they’d been giving him just an hour or two ago were starting to make him a little woozy.

“You look like shit,” Red noted as he watched Sans help Papyrus settle on the backseat.

“Thanks for noticing,” Papyrus retorted, rolling his eyes. He wasn’t upset though, knew that Red was just joking, and got proofed right when he heard the other snort out a short laugh.  
“Alright, all set up,” Sans announced once he finished buckling up Papyrus. “You can drive now.”  
“I could’ve done that myself, y’know,” Papyrus noted, and this time it was Sans’ turn to roll his eyes.  
“Not sure if the news quite _hit_ you yet, but you’ve got _hit_ by a car,” Sans told him probably trying to sound somewhat serious, but Papyrus just ended up laughing at the pun. For a brief moment Sans looked at him chidingly, before cracking up in laughter too. “How- oh my god, how was it even? Bet it was quite the _crashing_ experience.”  
They heard a groan from the front seat as Red started driving.

“Oh yea, it was a wild _ride_. Thinking ‘bout it still _drives_ me insane.” Papyrus replied, grinning widely.

“I bet you had no idea how to _steer_ yourself out of that situation.”  
“Yea, it came crashing fast.”  
“You should’ve wind _shielded_ yourself from-”  
The car stopped abruptly, tires screeching as Red hit the break at a red light. Papyrus and Sans went silent in shock for a moment.

“Can you two just give me a _break!?_ ” He barked out. “I’m real _tire_ d of your stupid puns, all I’m seeing is-” He couldn’t keep his composure anymore, cracking a grin as his voice wavered in a chuckle and finished- “ _red._ ”  
The whole car burst out in laughter, Red trying to hold himself back as he still had to drive the car. After a whole ten minutes Papyrus finally managed to calm himself down, wheezing for air a little, before he finally sighed.

“Man…,” he chuckled out. “Where’re we even heading? Not my apartment for sure.”  
“Oh uh, yea,” Sans began a little sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “About that… Pap was really insisting about not letting you alone after you got out of hospital so...”  
Papyrus groaned, throwing his head back a little. He ended up wincing at the slight pain in his head and the med induced dizziness coming with the motion, but still thought it was worth it.

“The last thing I want on my first day out of hospital is your bro. No offense.”  
“None taken. I getcha, he can be a bit… overwhelming.” Red laughed at the words, knowing exactly how loud and obnoxious Papyrus could be. Sans loved him, though, and they all had to admit his brother had not a single bad bone in his body, so… It was hard to not like him.

“He would have me decapitated, though. C’mon just stay for dinner? So Pap’s happy?”  
“I’ll be staying, too,” Red promised. “Free food.”  
“You know it’s gonna be _Papyrus’_ food,” Papyrus threw in, but he could see the driver shrugging his shoulders.

“Food’s food.”  
He must have a stomach of steel.

Papyrus shrugged too, though, eventually. “Alright, fine. But you better drive me home later.”  
“’Course!” Sans promised with a grin. “Great, Pap’ll be happy. Thanks man, you’re really saving my skin here.”  
“You owe me,” Papyrus decided.

 

Papyrus, Sans’ brother, wasn’t home yet when the three of them arrived at the apartment, so Sans got them a bag of Doritos, as well as their respective beverages, and the three of them placed themselves on Sans’ couch in front of the TV. Papyrus was sprawled across the majority of it, a can of Dr. Pepper lying loosely in his hand. Sans was similarly lying on it, his shorter legs lying on top of Papyrus’. He brought himself a bottle of Sprite, but it was lying on the floor next to the couch. Red was sitting on the floor, back leaning against the couch as he nursed his can of Red Bull. They had a soccer game on, but none of them were really all too much into sports. It was mostly there for background noise.

“So are you planning to sue the guy?” Sans asked out of nowhere. Papyrus made a questioning noise. “Y’know, the guy that ran you over with their car. Cash n’ shit?”  
“Oh that,” he replied a little awkwardly. “Actually I don’t think I will.”

It was Sans’ turn to seem surprised. “How come?”  
“Uh, he came by, actually? At the hospital.”  
“Did he now?” Red asked curiously. “Is he cute?”  
Papyrus rolled his eyes. “Not the point. Yes, though, but not your type.” Red made a small disappointed noise. “Anyway, point is. He kind of offered me a job?”  
“That sounds neat, actually,” Sans mused. “How old is he?”  
“23,” Papyrus supplied quickly. “He doesn’t own the place, but knows the boss apparently. Will give in a good word for me or so.”  
“You’re gonna take the offer?” Red asked. Papyrus nodded while shrugging.

“It sounds like a good option,” he admitted. “I mean, let’s face it. I’m never gonna get hired any-fucking-where if I don’t have any connections. And you’re unemployed,” he said, pointing at Sans. “You’re dealing drugs,” He continued, nodding to Red. “And I’m not _ever_ going to apply for the police.” The last part was hinting at Sans’ brother, him currently making an apprenticeship to become a policeman or whatever one day.

“Fair enough,” Red replied, and Sans seemed to agree with a small nod.

They continued chattering about all sorts of other unimportant things and Papyrus was glad that neither of them actually bothered to ask what kind of job he got offered. It wasn’t really like he thought he _couldn’t_ tell them, but he knew for a fact that if he _did,_ they were gonna tease him about it for the next few weeks. And he really just wanted to wait with that for until he knew whether or not he’d even get the job, and maybe got a bit more used and comfortable there.

“So when are you planning on goin’ down on him?” Red asked Papyrus eventually, probably referring to Blue.

“I’m _not._ Honestly, I thought he wanted me to at one point and he seemed really mortified by that idea,” Papyrus replied.

“Yea? Probably just shy,” Red said, barking out a crude laugh. “C’mon you said ‘e’s cute.”

Papyrus groaned, rubbing his temples a little in, honestly exaggerated, distress. “You _know_ I don’t suck stranger’s dicks.”  
“What about Pyrope, though,” Red supplied without missing a beat. He could hear a hum of agreement from Sans.

“He’s got a point. I’m pretty sure you never met or talked to Pyrope before you sucked him off.”  
“Okay, true, _but,_ ” Papyrus bargained, “in my defense, I was drunk, he was hot, _and_ he offered me fifty bucks.”  
The Pyrope Incident was honestly not one of Papyrus’ proudest moments. It wasn’t like he regretted it really, oh no. It was a great deal. But Papyrus just had this _one_ rule that said, if he was already going to practically prostitute himself, he was gonna do it with people he _somewhat_ knew he could trust. Pyrope hadn’t been one of those. Pyrope had just been a guy at a party that looked really hot and had heard that Papyrus was the campus whore and yea. The rest just happened.

“Wreck his ass then,” Red laughed and Sans made a noise between surprise and disgust. This time Papyrus’ laughed too.

“You guys are forgetting that not everyone is gay, man,” Sans implied, frowning a little in distaste. “No offense, but. Y’know.”  
“Oh,” Papyrus replied, his laughter dying down a little. “You’re right actually. Might explain why he reacted the way he did.”

Him and Red _did_ have the tendency to forget that not everyone in the world was gay. It was just so easy to, when your best friend was gay and your other best friends brother was gay and half of the gay community around the campus every once in a while tried to hit on Papyrus for an easy deal. He didn’t even look that hot, honestly, they were probably all just really desperate.

Sans was the only one in their friend group who was straight. Or at least straight-until-proven-otherwise. But so far he’s never been in a relationship, never really been the type to be interested in one either. But he was practically the voice of reason that every once in a while reminded them that straight people still existed.

They changed topics.

Sans’ brother came home around noon, chiding all three of them about their unhealthy habits of just watching TV, eating chips and drinking unhealthy drinks. He made them all a some of his infamous spaghetti which Papyrus was incredibly surprised he managed to keep down, especially considering he was still feeling slightly woozy and nauseous from the meds. Less, but still a bit.

It was Red that ended up driving Papyrus home again, and while he did enjoy the time he’d spent with them, he just was _incredibly_ glad to be home again. He let himself fall backwards on his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love this fucking trio


	3. Mr. Scary Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a bit of a mess but I still personally love it  
> i bet u 50 bucks that at one point throughout the fic i'll forget this is human AU and write something with skeleton or monster or any kind of bone

Daddy Pappy:

Hey its me phillip

Except its actually papyrus

The guy u hit with a car

 

Blue ;) :

Oh hey!!! How are you?

 

Daddy Pappy:

Out of hospital, wanted 2 talk 2 u about that job offer

Sorry, is it too late?  
  
It was around 10 in the afternoon, Papyrus realized far too late. He’d just wanted to get that done as soon as possible, before he’d forget or chicken out after all.

 

Blue ;) :  
Nope it’s fine! Was still reading anyway

So you’re fit again?? I can talk to my boss tomorrow if you want

Tell you when you can come to apply

Is your name really Papyrus???  
  
Daddy Pappy:  
Yup

 

Blue ;) :  
Wow?? Weird name

Sorry if that sounds rude

And sorry for calling you Phillip!  


Daddy Pappy:

Lmao no prob im used to it

Tho phillip is a new one

Btw my friends brother is also called papyrus

 

Blue ;) :  
OMG what a crazy coincidence!!

Anyways I just realized I’m more tired than I’d like to admit

Almost fell asleep on my phone just now LOL

 

Daddy Pappy:

Heh k good night

Text me when u know when i can come

 

Blue sent a thumbs-up emoji as reply, then probably went to bed. Papyrus figured it _was_ pretty late, and he was really damn beat, too. As well as still weak from his hospitalization, so while he would usually stay up until 1 or 2 AM, he decided it was fine to go to bed early today.

Plus, he had classes tomorrow.

 

He came back to college finding out that he had apparently missed absolutely fucking everything ever. It’s as if in the four days where he didn’t attend college, all the teachers collectively decided to write all sorts of unannounced tests and start new topics and what-not. Well, when _didn’t_ they write unannounced tests and started new topics, honestly.

Red and Sans both went to the same college as Papyrus, but the only class they shared was software programming. It was the hardest on Papyrus, though, the easiest for Sans and they had no idea how Red did at all, since he hardly did anything anyway, if he even bothered to attend. He wasn’t there _now._ Sans however was, as Papyrus noticed when he slid by his side on his swivel chair.

“’Sup.”  
“Trying to actually do my shit, Sans,” Papyrus grumbled back, not looking away from his mess of a coding. “I’m super behind, y’know.”  
“K. You want me to help?” Sans asked, spinning once on his chair, before rolling even closer to Papyrus to peek at the screen. “Missed a bracket there.”  
“Thanks…,” the other muttered. “Don’t you have anything to do yourself?”  
“Nope! Finished my stuff already. And the stuff I got after that.” Sans said a little too cheery to be talking about class.

Honestly, Papyrus was maybe a _teeny tiny_ little bit jealous that Sans understood the class so well and maybe that _teeny tiny_ bit of jealousy and spite didn’t want the other to help him. He had no real reason to say no, though, so eventually Sans just ended up pointing out any errors he did, giving him ideas when he was stuck with a code.

Ten minutes before class was over Red marched in, a cup of coffee from the cafeteria in his hand, the other in his pockets, looking as relaxed and calm as ever.

“Yo, sorry teach. Train didn’t come.” He didn’t come by train.

They didn’t know what was actually going on in their teachers minds, but no one ever called Red out on his behavior, sometimes even joked around with him. So Red simply got on a PC, booted it up and did absolutely nothing until class ended.

Papyrus and Sans in the meantime actually continued working on what Papyrus had to finish. They didn’t get through with all of it, but he had to admit that he was a lot faster with Sans’ help. He figured, maybe he could help him more often, but then again they would probably end up getting distracted sooner or later and get _nothing_ done.

Red vanished before Sans and Papyrus could catch a word with him, but they didn’t mind too much. They had separate classes next anyway.

Papyrus grabbed the phone out of his hoodie pocket as he felt it vibrating. The screen said he’d gotten a text from Blue.

  
Blue ;) :  
Boss says you can come anytime between 10 and 20

I work from 14 to 20 this week in case you wanna see me

 

“The guy that offered you the job?” Sans asked, peeking over Papyrus’ shoulder. They were walking to their next class together, since they were in the same wing.

“Uh yea. And don’t get wrong ideas, he saved his name with the winky-smiley by himself.”  
“That _especially_ gives me wrong ideas,” Sans laughed. “Hah! Just kidding. He’s probably just messin’ with ya. Anyway, you gonna plan on goin’ there?”  
Papyrus shrugged. “Probably today after class,” he mused. “Don’t really have anything else to do.”  
“Wish you luck then,” Sans told him and nudged his arm with his elbow a bit. “Anyway, this is me. See ya sometime!”

 

Papyrus arrived at the store a little bit after 15 PM, after having Blue send him the address and everything. Turns out the sex store wasn’t too far from his college, which was fucking great. He could get there by a 45 minute bus drive if everything went smooth, he just had to hope he could get the same times as Blue has for this week but permanent. His classes usually ended after 13 PM, which was also honestly extremely lucky. Papyrus has so far had the luck to always land in that one school that rebels against long classes.

He checked his phone for the address again before approaching the store in his focus. ‘DICKS & BONERS’ with the ‘R’ in a circle. Well that wasn’t a clever name at all. Off to a great start.

Blue was standing at the register when Papyrus finally entered, humming a quiet tune until he looked up excitedly.  
“You came!” He cheered, immediately running from his spot at the register to grab Papyrus hand and drag him towards the back of the store. “Boss’ll be in his office! Don’t worry he’s cool, I’m sure the interview’ll go smooth!”  
Cool was one way to describe the man Papyrus was suddenly faced with when Blue barged into the room past the backroom. _Terrifying_ was another word to describe him. One closer to what Papyrus would’ve used.

Now, Pap wasn’t a short guy. He hadn’t actually measured his own height in years, but he figured he was a bit above average, but generally felt pretty tall, given that Sans and Red were fairly short, Blue even shorter than them. _This_ guy however seemed to be practically _towering_ above Papyrus. Or maybe it was just his terrifying aura coming off that made him seem taller than he was.

He looked more like the kind of guy that would lead a biker gang rather than own a sex shop, with black leather jacket and all, a scar – _an actual scar_ – across one of his eyes, his skin was a bit darker than for it to be tan. But despite the scary ass outfit, the guy didn’t look angry. He just looked… serious. Collected. _Judging._

Possibly not making the situation better.

“It’s the guy I told you about!” Blue chirped happily when Mr. Scary Man gave him a questioning look. “He’s here for the job! ...Interview. Ah--” There was the small noise of a bell ringing and Blue turned around surprised. “Shoot! A customer. Gotta go, play nice you two.” And with that he dashed off.

Man, the guy had energy.

Papyrus cleared his throat awkwardly, before holding out his hand. “Name’s Papyrus,” he said, maybe a bit too casual he realized as soon as it came out. “Papyrus Swap. I’m here for the, uh, job?”  
“So I’ve heard,” the boss mused, eyeing Papyrus up and down before accepting his handshake. “Edge Fell.”

_Edge_ fit him pretty well. Papyrus wondered if his parents had a future vision and named him after that, or if Edge decided to dedicate his lifestyle after his namesake. 

Fell let go of the handshake and moved towards a couch in the middle of his office. There was a small loveseat across of it with a living room table in between. The whole room looked more like a small living room than a boss’ office, and while Papyrus’ hadn’t been able to see a lot of the store, it was small enough for him to question where the guy got all the money to afford this from.

Or maybe he was just used to piss poor living standards and eating stale chips while sitting on the ground, maybe it was just that.

“Sit,” Fell demanded, nodding towards the loveseat across from him. “Let’s have a talk, shall we?”  
“O-Of course!” Papyrus jumped a little surprised and scrambled towards the loveseat. He felt more tense than expected. Way more tense. He felt like at a fucking rehearsal or like he’s just gotten arrested by the military. This man across from him did not look like fun.

“So you know what this place is?” Fell asked, the words leaving his lips a little too slow, a little too drawled for Papyrus to not expect some secret meaning behind them.

“A… sex store, sir?” He suggested a bit unsure. Fell raised a brow at him, as if having expected him to say something else or more, and oh god, what had he gotten himself into? This was some kind of secret brothel business, wasn’t it, why hadn’t Blue _told him._

As if smelling his nervousness, Fell chuckled a bit, grinning. “It is a sex store, it is. You really want to work here?” Papyrus nodded. “Not to be rude, but  _why?_ ”  
“Uh- Honestly I… don’t have any other options,” Papyrus admitted. He knew this was probably one of the shittiest reasons he could’ve named, but he wasn’t prepared at _all_ , sucked at this in general, and figured the truth might be worth a shot.  
“Is that so?” Fell asked, his voice giving away hardly any emotion, past a tad of surprise. “Huh. Fair enough, I guess.” He leaned back a bit, crossing his legs and picking up a stack of files. Which  _must’ve_ been a pure tactic to make Papyrus even more nervous, because there was  _no way_ Fell could have any files about him. Blue didn’t know his last name and Papyrus never sent an application or anything.

It worked, though. It worked real well.

“Well I… think this job sounded really interesting, too. Not every day you get offered a job at a _sex store,_ ” Papyrus tried, chuckling nervously. Fell looked at him unimpressed.

“I see. So, Mr. Swap, do you have any work experiences so far?” He asked the _one_ question Papyrus had feared the most. His two months of retail-experience during an internship _most_ of the time were hardly enough for employers, but what _else_ was he supposed to say?  
“ Uh w-well, I-”  
“There’s my special boys!” Blue barged in before Papyrus managed to continue. He could see Fell cringing a little in surprise.

“I _told_ you to knock, Blue,” he growled, _actually_ growled, actually sounding angry for once.

“Aw, don’t be like that, bossman. So how’s the talky-talk going, hm?” Blue chortled as he strolled from the door towards the seat Papyrus was sitting on, standing behind him with his hands resting on the backrest. “Ah, what a stupid question! Obviously it’s going great, right? Pap’s a cool guy- I can call you Pap, right?”  
“Uh, sure,” Papyrus said more out of confusion rather than anything else.  
“Great! Anyway, so when’re you gonna hire him, Big B? You know I need someone else for my shift after you fired Felix.” Papyrus couldn’t tell, but the way Fell was looking past him and at Blue behind him with such intensity in his eyes, Papyrus figured there _must_ be some quiet dialogue going on between them. Something like… “Besides, you owe me after all the unpaid overtime I worked.”  
Finally Fell broke off their staring contest with a groan. “ _Sure,_ ” he said fake sweetly. “I was just about to do the paperwork with him.”  
And… that’s how Papyrus apparently got the job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't think of a good name for a sex store so I just took the fics title which is rly bad but yknow what?  
> Fuck it
> 
> (that wouldve been a better name for the sex store)
> 
> also red coming 30 minutes late with coffee may or may not be inspired by a classmate of mine


	4. papenis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is literally JUST texting and eating instant noodles, but honestly it was so much fun to write  
> hope its also fun to read

Papyrus was glad to be home in his apartment again. He threw his bag into a corner in his room and immediately marched to his kitchen corner, grabbing a cup of instant-ramen and filling the water cooker. He'd realized his phone had been vibrating for a couple of times now, so he finally took the time to check his messages.

 

Not a drug dealer:

hey p did you get that d

 

Sands:

Hes at the job interview rn

Why d

 

Not a drug dealer:

wtf are you dumb

dick

 

Sands:

I get that but why not p for penis

Hey p did you get that p

 

Not a drug dealer:

oh not bad actually

penis-papyrus

 

Sands:

Papenis

 

Not a drug dealer:

holy shit

papenis

y did we never think of that before

 

Papyrus groaned, his groan quickly turning into a chuckle as he poured the now cooking water into his instant-ramen, before deciding to text back.

 

Daddy Pappy:

Bc thats fucking stupid and we're not 13 anymore

 

Not a drug dealer:

who says we

just bc YOURE not a 13 old anymore doesnt mean we arent

 

Sands:

He's got a point

 

Daddy Pappy:

Yea i can see that tbh

 

He chuckled, stirring his noodles a little as they cooled off, when he noticed he had another message from a different chat. Strange, usually no one but Red and Sans texted him.

 

Blue ;) :

Did anyone ever call you Papayas??

Like as a nickname?

 

For a moment Papyrus gaped at the text surprised. Were they... _already_ on random-thought texting level? He was pretty sure not, but maybe that's just what the guy was like. Oh well, Papyrus was actually in a pretty good mood right now, so he didn't mind some almost-stranger texting.

 

Daddy Pappy:

Yea thats an old one kid

Tho usually to tease

 

Blue ;) :

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, I swear :0 !!

 

Daddy Pappy:

Its cool

Papayas is at least better than pineapples

 

Or Papenis, Papyrus decided to not add for now.

 

Blue ;) :

I'll bet all my money on that someone called you PPAP or something relating to that before

 

Daddy Pappy:

God dont even get me started

 

Blue ;) :

LOL I know what it's like!!

Do you have any nicknames that AREN'T meant for teasing, though?

 

Good question, Papyrus thought. He figured _most_ nicknames just naturally came in a joking, teasing way, not that he took it badly ever. It was fun, really.

 

Daddy Pappy:

You took a good shot with Pap earlier

Paps, papy, rus??

But a dude i know a dude called rus so that gets weird

 

Blue ;) :

Oh, I know Rus!!!

Or, well, I know _a_ Rus

What about Papsi?

 

Papyrus choked on his spit, feeling his face heat up a little. Christ, _that_ sure was... a new one.

 

Daddy Pappy:

K pls dont call me that until weve like

Known each other for at least two years

 

Blue ;) :

OH sure of course, sorry!

Waiting to unlock that level of friendship first, got it!

 

He sent a couple of thumbs-up emojis behind that last message, making Papyrus chuckle a little. He figured his noodles were cold enough by now, or, well. Too cold. He'd almost forgotten about them, but they were still slightly warm, so all's fine. Papyrus checked back to their group chat.

 

Not a drug dealer:

so papenis howd the job thing go

how mch did u get

 

Daddy Pappy:

Im not working yet

 

Sands:

Hes talking about dick

Like, how much did you get for sucking Blues dick

 

Not a drug dealer:

blue

 

Daddy Pappy:

Christ youre both fucking pervs

I suck dick with standards ok

 

Not a drug dealer:

i have a dick in my pants that would disagree

 

Sands:

Guys omg

Topic change pls???

Still trying to forget that one time

 

_That one time_ being that one time Red and Papyrus had been  _really fucking sure_ Sans was fast asleep. Like, comatose kind of asleep. Drunk comatose kind of asleep. But apparently they hadn’t been  _sure enough_ , so the poor guy had to wake up to  the sight of his best friends cock inside of his other best friends mouth, which… probably wasn’t exactly the most pleasant sight.

 

Daddy Pappy:

Right sorry

Reds fault

Anyway i actually got the job

 

Sands:

Oh nice! Congrats

When do you start?

 

Daddy Pappy:

Tomorrow actually

Was mostly blues work tho, i think him and the boss have something going on

SOMETHING

 

Not a drug dealer:

the dude that hit u with his car is called blue?

 

Daddy Pappy:

Yea

The boss was fucking TERRIFYING man 

Like no offense but hes like straight up out of some horror/action movie

But like the villain

Scar on his eyes and everything

 

Not a drug dealer:

black?

 

Daddy Pappy:

Well thats just racist

Yea

 

Not a drug dealer:

hey just askin cuz i think i know him

 

Sands:

How come

 

Not a drug dealer:

im a dealer bro

plus hes actually sorta well known if you dont spend ur entire life locked up in ur room

 

So Red actually knew his new boss? And it sounded almost like he’d know Blue too, which was sort of… unsettling, considering he didn’t yet want Red to know he was going to work at a sex store. Eventually he’d tell them,  _yes._ But  _not yet._ And definitely  _not Red._ He’d never hear the end of it.

He finished his cup of ramen, quickly tossed it towards the vague direction of his trashcan, missed and shrugged like the champ he was.  He was gonna pick that up later, probably.

Flipping back to his chat with Blue, Papyrus noticed a couple of new texts there, too. Man he was popular today.

 

Blue ;) :

How did the interview go by the way??

Sorry if I came off as pushy or something back there LOL

I just need to give Edgy a little push into the right direction sometimes

You got the job right???

 

Daddy Pappy:

Yea thx btw

Im actually starting tomorrow at 14

So we ll see each other?

 

Blue ;) :  
OMG so cool!!

I was HOPING for someone to help me around the store after bossman fired the last guy!

I’m rly glad its you!

 

Daddy Pappy:

Haha you dont even know me

Im just the guy u hit with a car

 

Blue ;) :  
YES but doesn’t that sound like the start of a great friendship??  
First impressions are everything, after all!

 

Daddy Pappy:

You made a p crashing impression alright

Hit me quite by surprise 

 

The way he saw the other’s name pop up on the screen every once in a while, indicating that he was typing, yet nothing came, was almost reaction enough for Papyrus. He had to hold back his snickering as he imagined the guy laughing at his pun, or even better, groaning in absolute annoyance.

He lost it when the reply finally  _did_ come.

 

Blue ;) :  
I’m going to pretend I’ve never read that

 

He burst out laughing loud, clutching his stomach as he did so. Making people laugh with his puns was fun, alright, but there was just  _something_ about people trying to act all pissed off about puns, when he  _knew_ they secretly enjoyed them. Or maybe they actually didn’t. It was hilarious either way.

 

Daddy Pappy:

Im sorry am i  _driving_ you crazy with my puns?

 

Blue sent back a series of angry emojis as Papyrus tried to not cry of laughter.

 

Not a drug dealer:

papenis papussy

 

Daddy Pappy:

Stop

 

Not a drug dealer:

hey YOURE the one reacting to it

im just writing garbage

 

Sands:

Pusspyrus

 

Daddy Pappy:

Oh my god sans are you srs

 

Sands:

Sorry pal

Pusspenis

 

Not a drug dealer:

ok sans thats too much we dont want to overdo it

theres a place and time for everything

 

Sands:

Haha funny im laughing do you hear me laughing

Anyways _papyrus_ lets talk adult

 

Daddy Pappy:

Taxes

 

Sands:

I said adult not horror stories

 

Daddy Pappy:

Eating nothing but instant food for four months and having no parents on your back about it?

 

Not a drug dealer:

cha-ching

living the dream

 

Sands:

Sounds like it

Unfortunately my bro doesnt want me to eat unhealthy

Im kidding 

Free ACTUAL GOOD FOOD and an amazing brother in one

The real jackpot

Losers

Anyways can any of u pls bring me some chips to class tomorrow

 

Daddy Pappy:

Lmao on it

 

Papyrus doubted he was going to do a lot anymore today, so he slipped out of his clothes and into some comfortable shorts and t-shirt and threw himself on his bed. He wasn’t tired yet  _either_ , though, and he wasn’t going to  _only_ text with his pals for the rest of the evening, so he quickly grabbed his laptop, turning it on.

 

Daddy Pappy:

Any movies u can suggest 

 

Not a drug dealer:

dude u know my pornhub password

i have premium

 

Daddy Pappy:  
DUDE

 

Okay, no more talking to Red for tonight. He instead switched back to Blue, finding himself even hoping a little that the guy texted him back. Looks like he was lucky.

 

Blue ;) :

You’re unbelievable!!!

Change that winky-face on my name to a frowny-face!!  


Daddy Pappy:

Consider it done

 

Punloverxoxo:

I sure hope so!!!

 

Daddy Pappy:

Anyway bit random but u got any movies u can suggest?

 

Blue took a bit to text back this time and Papyrus used the time to start up his internet browser, already researching for some movies himself. He could always consider re-watching some of his favorites, but he felt like watching something new today.

 

Punloverxoxo:

Heathers?

Oh! Oh! Fight Club was really good

 

Daddy Pappy:

Lmao u watched fightclub?

Didnt take u for that type

 

Punloverxoxo:

It’s a classic! It’s really good, too, I enjoyed it! I’m not the biggest fan of… blood and all that, but I can always enjoy a good movie!  
  
Daddy Pappy:

Thats great to hear

U read the book yet?

 

Punloverxoxo:

No? Is it as good?

 

Daddy Pappy:  
Better

But grosser

I can borrow it to u if u want

 

Should he re-watch Fight Club? Blue was right about it being a classic, a good one none the less. But he didn’t really feel like it today.

 

Punloverxoxo:

That would be really cool actually :0 !! Thank you!

 

Daddy Pappy:

No prob bob

Any other movie ideas tho?

 

Punloverxoxo:

Hmmm The Fault in our Stars?

 

Oh god no, not that garbage. He wasn’t going to say that into Blue’s face, of course, but he  _really_ wasn’t into  _that_ kind of movies. He’s read the book and it was…  _disappointing._

 

Punloverxoxo:

You can always watch 50 Shades of Grey LOL

Please don’t do that to yourself, it’s a bad movie

 

Daddy Pappy:

Ur talking out of experience huh?  
  
Punloverxoxo:

Edge made me watch it once

 

So had Red made Papyrus watch it, honestly. It had been one hilarious shit-show, he had to give the movie that. But it was in no way a good movie to take serious ever.

 

Daddy Pappy:

Have you seen rubber

 

Punloverxoxo:

No?

 

Daddy Pappy:

Awesome movie, bout a killing car tire, complete trash 

Its hilarious

Only smth to watch with friends tho 

 

O h, how had he gotten from asking for movie suggestions to  _suggesting_ movies? He quickly checked back to the group chat, hoping Red or Sans had come up with something good.

 

Not a drug dealer:

50sog

 

Sands:

Dude

 

Daddy Pappy:

50 shades of fuck of with that movie

 

Not a drug dealer:

im feeling mistreated

youre all teaming up against me

thats bullying

 

Sands:

Oh get a life 

Just watch dogma or something

 

D ogma? He quickly looked the movie up, finding it was actually one he’s never seen before. And it looked pretty nice too. Jackpot.

 

Daddy Pappy:

Thanks

At least SOMEONE here has a good taste in movies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont watch a lot of movies tbh

**Author's Note:**

> so here's the deal:  
> i have no idea what im doing  
> i really only have a few headcanons i wanna add and i know blue&paps are gonna go at it at one point or another, but else? idk man  
> so yea, if you got suggestions, expectations, requests, ideas, anything, i'd love if you could leave it in a comment!! in general, comments always make my day (even if i dont answer)


End file.
